my name is Tootles

tired of loving
tired of hating
tired of being patient
but have no energy to pursue the things i want to change

health is draining
too busy to think about caring for myself
i cant think fast enough to care for others
three steps behind
tired of everyone else's silent opinion
nobody talks but its floating everywhere

tired of akward silences
tired of "now what do i do?"
stress is a beast

crawling and hiding in dark corners is comforting
and i dont bring the phone with me
i cant wait by it anymore
i have to leave but have nowhere to go
the silence is colapsing around me and threatening to make me a December Carrie

rantings that make no difference when everything is your own fault