crying in my cake batter

so i've decided getting an email from someone telling you what a horrible person you are, is not the greatest way to start your day. especially when that person is right. trying not to think about it doesnt work, in case you're thinking that might be an option...it only serves to make you think about it more so you can make yourself stop thinking about it. hating them is not an option when you still love them and you are in a position where you are not allowed the luxury of pain, loss, hurt or malice....when any feeling, however genuine, is not understood, accepted, or believed. and pales in comparison to your insideous actions. you have no right to feel or speak, and any response is inappropriate. you have done enough damage for lifetimes. anything you do now will only add to it. and what could make your day better you ask?

how about not being able to get in touch with your best friend...

i am hurt, lost, lonely and grieving. and brought it on myself. thus voiding any right to feel as such.its not fair to others. and not allowed.........
i took what wasnt mine. so i should stop crying when they want it back. i have no right to attach any feelings to it, but i love it so dearly. but i have been told all my feelings are hollow and meaningless. i suppose i should get back to refreezing my heart. i wasnt paying attention and let it thaw........
i talk too much when i get sleepy. i should stop before i start to feel.....